CHAPPED...and I don't mean leather pants

ACCUTANE UPDATE:

I've been taking Claravis (another brand of Accutane--same exact thing) for a week now. So far, I have SUPER chapped lips, my skin all over is a tad bit more dry, my face has cleared up just a bit, and I have been showing signs of bloody noses here and there. Sounds like the medication is working. FUN FUN FUN, no?

Tomorrow's list: FINISH CHRISTMAS SHOPPING AND WRAPPING!!!

love-B

Twenty-one Candles...

It seems like everyone has a "twenty-first birthday" story to tell. Where you were, who you were with, how many shots you remember, and who took care of getting you home. My 21st was no different, and the milestone has now come and gone. Many thanks to Sam and Matt for being my wonderful friends and making sure that I was well taken care of. Happy Birthday to me.

As a little bit of a late birthday present, I am super excited that Kellous is making his Christmas vacation return to Tennessee this evening. Because I was in Costa Rica for his last trip home, I haven't seen him in a year, and I am so excited to see my best friend's face!! I told him that I was going to a bachelorette party tonight and couldn't come to the airport to see him...little does he know that I will be right around the corner at baggage claim with a smile on my face. :)

Accutane update: I started the pill package on Tuesday. No noticeable signs of change, yet. Still pizza-face.

peace & love. love. love.
--b

Accutane: the Beginning of my Journey...

I know that it has been a long while since I have blogged, but tonight, I have an excellent reason. I am beginning treatment for my cystic nodular acne. I have decided to use Accutane, a form of Isotretinoin capsules whose purpose is to cure severe nodular acne that cannot be cured by antibiotics. I decided to use my blog as a personal update... pictures and journals of the coming months are sure to come. Drum roll, please....THE BEFORE....

For those of you who don't know about Accutane, it is NOT just a prescription that is going to change my acne. Accutane is a big deal. Many people have lots of side effects that are torturing during the treatment, but they say they wouldn't change it for anything because the results are so great. In other words, if I REALLY want clear skin NOW, I'm just going to have to deal with it.

For the next 4-5 months, I will be taking the Accutane pill daily.

Because the medication causes birth defects in virtually 90% of pregnancies that occur in women using Accutane, the company and my dermatologist both require that the patient (me) take a monthly pregnancy test before the prescription can be given. I was asked to sign a form promising either: a) complete abstinence, or b) to use two separate forms of birth control, in order to prevent pregnancy. Each month, I must go to the doctor for an update, take a pregnancy test, get online and take a short quiz with questions about my comprehension of the side effects, and then fill my prescription within 7 days of its issuance.

I took a pregnancy test a month ago, it was negative. I took a pregnancy test and blood test today. Once they are approved as negative (will be Monday), I will be approved to go online and answer my quiz questions. Then, I will have 7 days to fill my prescription and begin taking Accutane. Let the fun begin...

Many people say that the worst side effects are SEVERE dry skin; dry, chapped lips; dry eyes; sore joints; slow healing time; headaches; nosebleeds; dry hair; and the acne gets lots worse before it gets better for most patients.

If you see me within the next five months, I'm sure you might notice that my face is transforming: getting worse, better, worse, better....like a skin roller coaster. I don't think I'm going to want to talk too much about it, hoping the process will be as quick and painless as possible. If I am acting weird or looking strange in the next five months...don't worry about me. It's just the Accutane. I will try my best to keep you updated.

Wish me luck!!!

My favorite time of the year...

Fall seems to have come and gone in such a short time, and even though the orange leaves are still barely clinging to their tree branches, I am already missing them. I remember explaining the season of autumn to Dulce one afternoon, and she thought it sounded like the most beautiful thing she could ever see. I agree. I love the fall leaves. More than snow, I think.

I have been keeping myself super busy with school and work these days. However, Sam, Joe, and I took time out to carve pumpkins a few days before Halloween. I forgot just how much fun it is to continue traditions like pumpkin carving. Sam and I made scary faces while Joe created a...um...devil? (the one that looks like an evil bunny) They made the perfect display outside my apartment :) If you didn't see it in person, shame on you. :)

The next night, we went to my first haunted house in Nashville. I love scary stuff like that when you know that it is fake, so the SlaughterHouse was a blast! Sam screamed through every second, and I couldn't help but laugh when a clown chased her through the eight-door maze. It was a great time...I am going to miss Sam and Joe when they go off, get married, and leave me. Oh, and I was a kitty cat for Halloween at work. It was the best I could come up with in an hour.

The next week, Hannah came to spend the night with me. In the spirit of the season, I decided she should roll a yard for the first time. Let's see...who lives in Cookeville and has a perfect yard to roll? Aunt Jenifer, of course! Hannah, Sam, Joe, and I hopped into my car with 48 rolls of toilet paper, 500 napkins, and 2 bottles of whipped cream. Needless to say, winter came a bit early at the Shaw residence.... you are welcome :)

And now....November 4th. My first Presidential election to have the right and privledge to vote. Two things:

1) Yes, I did vote for Barack Obama.
2) No, I will not discuss politics with you.

I voted for Obama, and I am excited to see how he can help the economy of our great nation. I think he will be an excellent leader, and we can hope that the people of this country can come together in his support. Whether you voted for President-elect Obama and his running mate Joe Biden or not, now is the time to lay aside all previous judgements and accusations. A new leader doesn't mean doom and destruction, nor does it mean overnight success. However, it does mean we have a new person to root for; a new hope for our country; a new spirit of change and growth. I hope that all citizens of the United States of America will not hinder his new ideaology, but help embrace Barack Obama as our President and offer him support through every step of the way.

Okay. I just stepped off the soap-box, pushed it aside, and made a campfire out of it. No worries. I'm getting excited about Thanksgiving...I love me some turkey!!

Love. Love. Love.
Brittney

Where has all the simplicity gone?

I miss simplicity. I miss sitting in Trigo Miel staring out the entrance watching people go by and having absolutely nothing to worry about.

I miss my biggest care being the decision of which beach to go to this weekend. I miss not worrying about my homework assignment due tomorrow.

I miss feeling like I found something great. I miss having a group of friends that would always be at the coffee shop at one time or another.

I miss cheering for my team in the fan section in the rain. I miss chasing down a bus after the game because they're all full.

I miss paying with coins. I miss cafe con leche and gallo pinto.

I miss piropos. I miss not caring that my love handles were showing under my shirt.

I miss walking the city streets. I miss speaking Spanish all the time.

I miss platanos. I miss going to bars and meeting people.

I miss Imperial and Bavaria. Heck, I even miss Pilsen.

I miss cuba libres in cans. I miss Spanish text messages.

I miss free tequila shots and Jager bombs from Marcos just because he wanted to say hi.

I miss being called Margarita.

I miss Dulce's pancake and banana breakfasts. I miss run of the mill hostels for ten dollars a night. I miss the cow parade and the catchy bell that tells you to cross the street.

I miss red taxis.

I miss the Santo Domingo bus. And the Tuasa. And the por pista. And por Tibas. And the Coca Cola station.

I miss San Pablo.

I miss pineapples. And coconuts. And mora. And oranges. Fresh ones.

I miss mas por menos. I miss silly conversations with taxi drivers when I tell them I'm from Canada. I miss paseo.

I miss real craziness--not just white trash rednecks trying to get trashed.

I miss festival imperial. I miss parque central.

I miss Ellen, Renee, Amelia, and Amanda.

I miss late night boyfriend stories with Melissa. I miss afternoon debates with Dulce. I miss legos with Alejandro. I miss language exchange with Marco Venicio.

I miss having Marcos repeat himself until I understand.

I miss el testy.

I miss the cranky witch at the post office. I miss the cute guy at the post office.

I miss el gallo mas gallo. I miss la esquina del sabor.

I miss taking a different way home everyday.

I miss speedy internet. And the people that work there. Especially the nice one. And the asian guy.

I miss colones.

I miss Dulce. Melissa. Marcos. Adriana. Alejandro. Valeria. Daniel. Marco. Lucia. The Gringos.

---------<>---------

I miss Costa Rica. And all that it represents. And all that it was for me. And the way I could be there that I can't be here.

I wanna go home.

So I couldn't stop thinking about it...

In the most recent few years, I have continued to proclaim that I hate it when children are forced to be adults because adults act like children. This issue, for lack of a better word, has been a great offense to me in my life, and I find more and more everyday that great numbers of children are being forced to grow up much faster than they should simply because the adults in their lives are acting like children.

What do I mean by adults acting like children and children being adults? Let me explain. Up until a certain age of adulthood, children/teenagers are so-called because they don’t (or should not, in my opinion) have certain responsibilities that are otherwise reserved for “adults.” Children should not have to take care of their younger siblings in public because mommy can’t keep them quiet, be the ones to insist on visiting their great-grandfather in the nursing home because daddy says he can’t make time, or choose either mom or dad’s side when parents argue in front of their children and make the child a part of the hateful discussion. I think that part of being a child is the fact that you don’t have the worries that adults do. That’s part of growing up. Everyone wishes they could go back to their childhood when they had no worries, but many children today just want to grow up so they at least have a little control over the responsibilities that are imposed upon them. With adulthood, and parenthood especially, comes the responsibility to keep children from hearing/seeing/dealing with issues that should and need to be reserved for adults.

If a couple with three children is going through a divorce because one of the partners cheated, the three children should have no clue that mommy has another boyfriend or that daddy now resents her for it. The children should be slowly eased into the idea that mommy and daddy just simply don’t agree all the time and they should not live together or be married anymore. The children should have no idea of the hate that goes on behind the closed doors of an argument and should only see the love that both parents still have for all three children. They should also remember that closed doors don’t necessarily mean closed ears. Children, especially teenagers, catch on to things like that, and adults have to be careful of what they are doing or saying all the time.

One reason I have such a respect for my mother is the fact that throughout my entire life, from the time I can remember till today, she has never said one negative thing about my father to me since their divorce. NOT ONE NEGATIVE COMMENT. She knew that as I grew up, I should form my own opinions and think my own thoughts, and that as a child/teenager, I should not have to deal with the burdens of adulthood. No matter how she feels/felt about my father, she never had anything but good things to say about him because she took on her responsibility as a parent and as an adult to make sure her daughter had a positive view of her father, no matter the circumstances. For that, I have the utmost respect for her.

I guess what I am trying to say is that many adults nowadays need to GROW UP. Take the initiative. Many times, when you are an adult, it is not called initiative, it’s called responsibility. GROW UP and initiate the conversation with your teenager—don’t wait for him to come and talk to you. It’s not his job. GROW UP and realize that your problems are not your sons’ problems—deal with them yourself because he should not even have to know about them. GROW UP and stop preventing your children from living their childhood and adolescence as they were meant to be lived—without worry or responsibility. GROW UP and realize it’s not all about you—your children deserve their childhood. They only get one, and there’s no going back.

Love,
B

Make it stop...

We're nearing fall break here at Tech, and Brittney has had enough. I ended up dropping my Don Quijote class because I just couldn't take it anymore. Call me a quitter if you wish; maybe I am when it comes to that class. However, I was falling behind in my other classes just because the Don Quijote reading and literary diaries were taking up all of my study time. The day that I dropped the class, I was really upset about it, but as soon as I turned in the "drop" form, I felt as if I had just taken the 1500 pound sack of flour off my back. Now I am down to twelve hours of school, but it is just right for me this semester as I still feel like I am in transition.

At Tech, I have always been keen on taking unreasonable numbers of hours per semester just so that I could finish early or on time and get out of there! However, I have learned recently that if taking an extra semester or year in school is going to allow me to sustain my happiness, then it is worth every second. Taking 19 hours in a single semester and working 25 hours per week all equals no free time and constant stress for me. I won't let anything that is under my control interfere with my happiness. I won't.

Now that all that underlying resentment for school is out of the way, I will tell you that I have been doing well in my education classes and getting excited about the teaching part of my Spanish career. I have been observing a high school Spanish teacher at Cookeville High School, and being around the job that I will eventually have makes me really want to dive right in.

Ellen and her roommate, Shauna, came to visit a few weekends ago. They drove in and hung out with me Friday night, I took her to Kendall's pee-wee game, Sunset rock, and El Tapatio on Saturday. Let me tell ya, she was super impressed with all Sparta has to offer ( haha).

Fall break is coming up this weekend, and I'm pretty sure I will just be working, working, working. That's okay with me, though, because I am trying my hardest to save up for next summer's trips. :) I plan on taking another Costa Rica trip for a week or two to see my family and vacation a bit. Then, I hope everything works out to go on the Mexico mission trip with Central. After that, I may have to take a summer class, but I hope that won't be necessary. Either way, I plan to spend at least a month in a Latin American country going to a few Spanish classes and doing volunteer work. I just have to find a program that will allow me to do this all within my budget range. Cross your fingers for me!!

All for now. See you soon!

-B

Get the ball rolling, Brittney....

HOLA HOLA!! Okay, I know I haven't written in forever, but I have been meaning to. I promise. So here it goes.

I finished out my summer just having worked and organized my apartment a little bit better. July and August happenings included a Hootie and the Blowfish concert, my friend Elena from Chicago coming to visit which included a James Blunt/Sheryl Crow concert, working at Crawdaddy's all the time, spending time with Amelia reminiscing about Costa Rica, and helping my roommate, Sam, and her fiance, Joe, organize their January 3rd wedding. Their wedding will be the first I have ever had the opportunity to coordinate, so if anyone has any sort of DO and DON'T list for weddings, let me know, please. I may not take your advice, but I will most certainly listen to it. I also sent some goodies to my Costa Rican host family, sort of as a thank you for all they did for me. My host sister, Melissa, LOVES Hollister clothes and REALLY wanted a pair of rain boots because they are super expensive there. I sent she and her boyfriend, Marco, some really cute clothes, some rain boots for Melissa and her friend Ana, some Pop Rocks for all of my four nieces and nephews, and some Bath and Body Works goodies for my host mom. Everything apparently arrived wonderfully and they were extremely happy. I can't wait to go back and see them. I miss them so much.

Classes officially started on August 25th, and I <> began attendance. It has been so strange acclimating back into my own university culture. In Costa Rica, "college life" doesn't really exist like it does here. There really aren't dorms, sororities and fraternities, BIG football games to attend on Fridays, or cookouts for religious organizations. Everyone there attends school for the sole purpose of learning, not for the socializing that comes with our university life. That could be a good thing or a bad thing depending on who you are, but for me, it's just another difference to keep in mind when I attend my classes.

I now am trying my best to walk to school everyday instead of driving, not only because of the parking situation, but because I am accustomed to the practice. It just takes about ten to fifteen minutes to walk from my apartment, so the only time I drive is if I am in an absolute hurry before or after classes. I walked through the parking lot at about 7:30 am the other day only to see a half empty parking lot with dozens of cars surveying for a space as close to the buildings as possible. Never mind the fields of space they could just pull into quickly and begin walking to their first class. They had to spend all their time searching for a space that would help them save a few steps. Remembering that I used to exercise this exact practice, I giggled to myself and continued walking. Since the school is undergoing some construction, there is less parking space this year, and Tech is suggesting parking close to Tech Village and the softball fields (I would say about a ten minute walk from the main heart of campus). Obviously, this is too far for our already lazy and overweight university population to have to walk, so they have also started a bus route system that will pick students up from this and other parking lots and drive them to the main quad. After finding out this information for myself, I could do nothing but sigh.

This past weekend (labor day weekend), I packed my bags and headed to Raleigh, North Carolina to see Ellen at NC State, where she lives during the school year. I ended up driving solo when Amelia decided not to come, but it was a great trip and didn't take as long as I thought it would. I have decided that there should be a karaoke game for car drivers because I would totally win every time! Ellen showed me around her campus and we had a get-together with many of her friends. We had a great time at Pullen Park where we rode paddle boats and made up some excellent duck calls. I was sad to leave that Costa Rican familiarity, but we shall meet again soon. Thank goodness for true friendship.

Now it is back to the grinds of school. I am taking fifteen hours this semester that include:
--Integrating Instructional Technology in the Classroom (education with computers class)
--First Aid, Safety, and CPR (required for Education certification)
--Spanish Special Topics: Don Quijote Honors Section (if I don't respond to phone calls, I'm reading this book)
--Social Intelligence (just a one hour elective class about etiquette)
--Survey of European Civilization I (History 1010 but the woman teaches like it is History 4010)
--Intro to Teaching and Technology in the Classroom (another Education class)
--Intro to Field Experience in Teaching (I go to a classroom for an hour each week for 8 weeks just to observe teachers)

It should be a full and interesting semester. I'm really worried about the Don Quijote class, but I am trying to get the ball rolling and start out right. I'll keep you updated on how that goes. I am also trying to save up for another Costa Rica trip in the works because I HAVE to go back. We'll see how that goes, too.

As for the rest of life right now, I shall blog soon. Promise this time.
Chau. Besos.

A new view of love...

After an evening of shopping, baseball, and memories with a best friend, I feel content. In the past week, I have laughed at goofy jokes, cried over Costa Rican reminiscence, smiled at strangers as if they were old acquaintances, and helped myself to a dose of silence with me. Now that I have the opportunity to drive myself in my car to wherever my heart desires, I tend to spend a lot of time driving and thinking at the same time--I know, I'm quite the multi-tasker.

I was thinking the other day...is it vanity to simply be completely content with yourself? I feel like society has pressured us (or at least my generation...or maybe just me...) to depend on other things--people, materials, ideas--for our own personal happiness. I don't know if I'm just on this self-fulfilled high or if I really am completely, 100% happy with myself--no attachments.

For example, I see young adult couples all around me who claim that they have found their happiness in their boyfriend/girlfriend or that they don't know what they would do without their partner. At this point in my life, I don't know what I would do WITH a significant other. In this very moment, I think I am so happy being this Brittney that I don't want to have to devote my time and energy specifically to one other person. Obviously, when I see a couple that is truly and obviously happy with each other or when I watch a sappy love story on tv, it makes me think about how great that feeling must be. However, shortly after, I remember the degree of work required of a relationship, and I decide that I would rather just stay in love with myself than find another right now.

Many young adults (especially the ladies) of my age group constantly tend to worry about what they look like, how others see them, and what they can do to attract attention from the opposite sex. When it comes to using this great amount of my energy on my appearance or how guys are looking at me, I don't care...! In this very moment, I think I would rather be single for life than spend all sorts of energy on making myself up everyday for fear of running into "the one" at walmart without a drop of foundation or the slightest run-through with the straightening iron. I want to stop feeling that expectation to look marvelous in every public moment and start feeling nothing but my own expectations.

I think that is where I am right now. I am living by my own expectations. I think this is helping me to love myself more and more. If I live by nothing but my own expectations, it is highly likely that those expectations will be fulfilled with just the right amount of challenge. Don't worry--I simply used the relationship example as just that--an example. At this stage in my young adult life, relationships seem to be the most prominent issue and therefore is the easiest thing to think to write about. There are plenty of other situations that just as equally explain my stance on this personal issue. If I am totally wrong, don't worry about it. Knowing me, my opinion could change tomorrow. I could decide tomorrow that I am very much against my own personality faults and that I need to change my life. However, for this very instant, I am in love with Brittney. Sorry. She's taken. Ha ha.
Thanks for tuning in....Until next time...

Adjusting slowly...

After being back in Cookeville a little over a week, the dream stage is fading, and I am realizing more and more each day that I am here for good--this is real. I am using less and less Spanish vocabulary in the middle of my English sentences, and I am slowly remembering that I do not have to translate my thoughts for family members. I think this is good for me because it means I am adjusting back into my own culture, but I am just afraid of forgetting important things that I learned or loved before coming home.

I wanted to clarify my feelings that I wrote about last week. I do not, in any way, hold any resentment toward my country nor my upbringing. If you ask some of the other members in the study abroad group that shared the experience with me, they will tell you--I was the one defending my patriotism, listening to that southern country music, and preaching on how grateful I am to be from the US of A. I defended my flag when anti-army Costa Ricans made verbal attacks against it. I vocalized my opinions when my professors told me that Costa Rica was superior to the United States because of their socialized medicine or their 25% conserved land (these issues are easier to conquer when your country consists of less than five million people instead of three hundred million). I have always been proud of my country and the opportunities it has given me, never mind it's shortcomings. Last week, I was simply sharing my post-study abroad feelings that every student who becomes well-adjusted in a foreign country goes through. Yes, I have been pointing out the faults in my own country; however, this does not mean that I did not find plenty of faults in the culture of Costa Rica. Believe me, they have a whole gamut of problems of their own, and I was there in plenty of time to see and understand these issues. Nothing is efficient, pollution is horrendous, and they have some racist conflicts of their own. To top it off, many of the countries of Central or Latin America are still searching for their cultural identities. The United States has such an incredible influence on Costa Rica that McDonald's are just as common there as they are here. Therefore, I do not want any of my friends or family thinking that I am going to protest this Fourth of July instead of celebrating my red, white, and blue heritage with fireworks and patriotic music. I am just as proud as the next guy to be from the land of the free and the home of the brave. I just found another place on the planet that makes me happy, too.

After having said all of that, I thought I should share something that I decided to do in Costa Rica that I am very excited about. As many of you know, my trip abroad changed me. I was not in a place that I wanted to be in my life before I left, and I came back as the happy Brittney that I want to be. I obviously still have plenty of work to do in my life, but I am now at a point where I am happy with myself without the need for the input of others. It was like Costa Rica had a hand in changing me, and then made an imprint on the rest of my life. In order to remember that change, I decided to get a tattoo. I know, I know. I will most likely end up regretting it one day. However, I want to live for me. I want to live for today. Therefore, I did something that I wanted for me. I wanted to put that change that I made into a physical form. So I did. And I love it!
Thanks, bloggers, for tuning in. There is always more to come...

I'm back!!!

Hello all!!

So I am finally back from my five-month hiatus in Costa Rica, and I am trying my best to adjust to life in the states. I decided to start a blog so that I could continue contact with some people with whom I normally do not have the opportunity to speak on a regular basis. This blog is that contact for us :). I will be putting up regular live occurances, thoughts, observations, and anything else I feel like sharing with the world. Just put this site on your favorites list and be sure to check it often. I hope you enjoy.

You all know I got back from Costa Rica on Saturday evening. The plane trip went fairly well, but I did cry all the way from San Jose to Newark. I hate to burst anyone's bubble, but I was really wanting to stay in Costa Rica and not come home. Anyway, I got home just fine and life has felt like a dream ever since. I feel as if this life that I had before Costa Rica shouldn't exist anymore. I made a life for myself there, and now, I had to pretty much quit that life to come back to something merely halfway familiar. After being abroad, one tends to critique the faults of their home country and forget what he/she actually missed about being home. I am going through that right now. I hear idiot rednecks squabbling about meaningless bullcrap, and I see rich US citizens shopping for their every want and wish without care. I observe southern gossipers, young and old, who have no care in the world but the happenings in the lives of others, and I hear racist commentaries toward any other but the white anglo-saxon protestant. I know that there are plenty of faults of every country worldwide, but after studying abroad, I am forced to see the faults of my own up-close and personal. This is what I am struggling with right now. I don't want to be unhappy in my own country, but I don't want to forget that I know another place in this world that makes me just has happy. My second home. Mi segunda patria. Costa Rica.

I began working this week, as well. I will be serving tables at Crawdaddy's West Side Grill on Broad Street in Cookeville. I filled out the paperwork on Monday, started training on Tuesday, and my first shift by myself will be Saturday evening. So far, it looks as if I am going to like it. We have two floors, so maybe I will lose some of my rice and beans weight by trekking up and down the stairs. My biggest problem, I think, will be the alcohol. Just about every table orders some sort of alcohol, and I am going to have to learn all the different brands, types, and characteristics of each to be able to efficiently respond to questions. Not just "what kinds of drafts do you carry," but "what is this beer like? (meaning, color, depth, flavor, etc)" Woo woo...who's excited! :)

Anyway, that is about all for Brittney's corner of the world at the moment. I'm trying to do some budget recovery from Costa Rica, as well as some recovery from reverse culture shock. I hope to be able to see all my friends and family lots and lots now that I am back from my trip. I missed you guys.